– Them asking you the same question at least 10 times.
– Them saying “I’m sorry” at least 5 times a day.
– You promising them everything is okay.
– Ordering food for them.
– Making phone calls for them.
– Repeating the same directions 3 times.
– Texts as soon as you leave.
– Sweaty palms.
– Constant reassuring.
– Them constantly changing their mind.
– ALWAYS BEING EARLY.
– NEVER BEING LATE.
– Directions never being clear enough.
– Answering the same question MULTIPLE times.
– Them being nervous for seemingly simple tasks.
-Friday nights in.
-Weird triggers you will never understand.
-Tears. Lots of tears.
-Sudden silence when they feel an attack coming on.
-Trouble going out to eat in a restaurant.
-Stomach aches.
-Late night phone calls.
-Giving them cuddles when they need it.
-Finding out signs they are nervous.
-Taking care of them when they are having an anxious day.
THIS THIS THIS
Tag: understanding
Anxiety is like perpetually hearing the boss/enemy music but never seeing the threat.
This is the best description I’ve ever heard.
Think for a second
Imagine with me.
You’re an athlete. You’re gearing up to run the next 5k in your town.
You get there, and your number’s on your chest just like everyone else. You’re at the starting line, just like everyone else.
Bam, off goes the start signal.
Suddenly, you feel a little funny. Everyone else around you is gaining a lead they shouldn’t otherwise gain. Even the little old lady who does this for fun is now almost 50 feet in front of you.
But you keep pushing, right? You’re bound to catch back up, you’re an ATHLETE.
You pump as much of your strength as you can into your legs. You’re using what feels like every ounce of effort you have in you to just get your legs moving. All the while, that lead that everyone has on you is getting bigger and bigger…
People are suddenly farther and farther away…
You keep going You have no choice. You’ve GOT to finish. And you do.
But that’s when you collapse from exhaustion. Everyone around you is looking at you now, very concerned, wondering what could possibly have gone wrong, you were fine yesterday. You looked fine even the whole time you were running! What could POSSIBLY have happened?!
You can fill in the blanks with any invisible malady you like: heart problems, asthma, fibromyalgia, sciatica, what have you. But it’s SOMETHING that nobody can see. It’s something even YOU didn’t see.
Welcome to mental illness.
EVERY DAY is that 5k. Waking up in the morning is the start signal going off, and no matter how much energy we could put into something as simple as making breakfast, suddenly everyone else around us has their day’s tasks half way done and we’re still standing in the kitchen choosing eggs or bacon as though our lives depended on it. And sometimes, it does.
Eating is a chore. Standing up is basically like asking us to climb a mountain. Taking care of ourselves is tiring. Let alone taking care of someone else, if we need to.
That collapse at the finish line of the day could be a panic attack, it could be a fit of tears, it could be the mounting and exploding feeling that you’re a failure, you’re worthless, why do you even bother. It could even be an angry and persistent suggestion that you should just kill yourself so you’re not wasting space.
And let’s not forget, we didn’t do this to ourselves. We couldn’t have predicted this, we aren’t just sitting there asking for people to pamper us, in fact sometimes that makes us feel WORSE.
And at the end of the day, quite possibly the best thing you could do is hold us, tell us it’ll be okay, and just listen.
Most often, there’s no rhyme or reason to our thoughts. I was a straight A student for a long time and if I got less than 80% on ONE test, I flipped out and resigned myself to failure. But anyone else would’ve been like ‘Sweet, I passed!’ People tell me I’m doing well at work, and I’ll just focus on that one mistake I made two weeks ago and oh well, I’ll get fired tomorrow.
We DO NOT DO THIS ON PURPOSE. And it’s not as easy as saying ‘Oh just stop being so hard on yourself.’ That’d be like asking your athlete self to just grow some new lungs/muscles/heart valves and you’ll be fine.
We know you want to help. ❤ And most of us appreciate it SO MUCH, OMG THANK YOU. But sometimes, cuddles, blanket forts and movie binges are enough to keep us going. We don’t need to talk or reason things out all the time.
Understanding Adhd
There’s a lot to adhd that most people don’t realize. While attention issues and hyperactivity are well-known, the majority of people don’t know most of the symptoms. Here is a partial list.
-Poor motor skills
-Delayed physical and social development
-having a “multi-track” style of thinking
-Forms of disordered thinking, including blocking, circumstantiality, clanging, derailment, pressure of speech, tangentiality, and more.
-Hyperfocus
-Fidgeting
-Restless leg syndrome
-Forgetfulness
-Poor concept of time passage
-Overactive metabolism
-Sensory processing issues
-Meltdowns
-Inability to understand nonverbal communications
-Obsession with fairness or balance
-Impulsivity
-Poor social awareness
-High emotionality
-General executive dysfunction
-Atypical response to stimulants
-Racing thoughts
-Tactile issues
-Discomfort with a lack of pattern or predictability
-Echolalia
-Easily bored, and finding boredom to be highly upsetting
-Difficulty understanding and following instructions
-Literal-mindedness
-Delays in linguistic development
-Auditory processing issues (lots of us keep subtitles on all the time, or rely on lip reading, and really hate phone calls!)
-Poor short term memoryThis is nowhere near an exhaustive list. The reason I’m making this post is so people realize that adhd is a developmental disability that affects every aspect of our lives, and is more than just distractibility or high energy. We’re not just poorly behaved, and in fact, we’re probably trying our best. So please be patient with us. Stop telling us that this isn’t real. Thank you.
printing this out for my kid and I to read together
a weird thing about having developed mental illness at such a young age is i honestly don’t know sometimes how much of me is a symptom and how much is down to personality, like i honestly do not know my core self and it troubles me A Lot
I kinda think that my core self is perpetually terrified and miserable and there’s no way to change that.
And that’s kinda terrifying and miserable…
I think the idea of a core self is a little bit misleading. We are all sort of summaries of our experience. Even the parts of us that don’t work like they should are still parts of us. Some things can be fluid – as a personal example, the severity of my depression has fluctuated throughout my life. I have periods of years where it’s mild, periods of years where it’s terrible, sometimes with periods of months or weeks where it slides back and forth on the scale. But I wasn’t a different ‘me’ when my depression was different. I was just having different particular difficulties at that time.
I only offer this because you (OP) said it troubles you a lot not knowing your core self. I don’t actually know if thinking of it this way is helpful – that all of you is you, including the fucked up parts. Even if your mental illness was not so severe, even if you suffered the same symptoms for an external reason, those experiences would still be part of who you are and you still would have adapted to respond to them. Maybe you’re ALWAYS you, and the only thing that changes is how difficult it is to be you right now.
[Image description: Speech bubble: But you don’t look like someone who has depression.
Below, three grey cats. Cat #1: Since depression is an illness that primarily affects your mental health, the symptoms often aren’t visible.
Cat #2 (looks similar cat 1): There is no such thing as a typical depressed person. Depression can affect people of all ages, genders, races, backgrounds, etc.
Cat #3 is wearing a black mask and red cape! Cat #3: Although I do think it would be cool if we all got a free costume.]
What would your costume be?
How to Recognise a Toxic Friend
1. Is this a person who always puts you down? A friend is someone who accepts you as you are – and allows you to be different, and to think for yourself, and to make your own decisions – without an explanation. However, if a person is demeaning or always puts you down, criticises your opinions, or the way you dress or look, then that’s someone to avoid as they’re a toxic friend.
2. Do they gossip about you? A friend is someone you can totally trust. You can share your deepest secrets, and say what’s on your mind – and they won’t tell a person or betray your trust. However, if you always have to watch what you say around a friend, as they’re likely to gossip or let a secret slip, then it’s likely that this person is a toxic friend.
3. Do they constantly mock and make fun of you? A bit of gentle ribbing shows affection between friends. But if they’re always making fun of you, or highlighting your faults, or attacking you in public, then they’re not a genuine friend.
4. How do you feel after being with your friend? Think about your answers to the following:
– Do you feel defensive when you spend time with them?
– Do you feel hurt or upset after spending time with them?
– Do you feel as if you always have to justify yourself instead of being “natural” around your friend?
– Do you enjoy their company or do you feel ambivalent?
– Do they undermine your confidence and self-esteem?
– Do you feel attacked and used after spending time with them?
– Does the friendship feel unbalanced and require a lot of work?
– Is it more a competition than a genuine friendship?
Note: If you recognize the signs of a toxic friend, then it’s time to move on and find a different friend. Being with this individual will wreak your happiness.
Sensory Overload and how to cope.
(click on images to zoom)
So important.
I also find I can get SO from thinking too much, like brain-over-stimulation. Though that is kinda like audio input for me because of the way I think. After all, my go-to overload thought is “quiet please, make it stop”.
thank you for posting this, i needed it
This is wonderful and so needed
My last SO situation I had allodynia all over, and all the skin sensory input just destroyed my ability to think.
Holding the Bowl 