If I ask you to validate something, it’s not because I’m fishing for anything superficial.
It’s going to be because I’m sitting in the middle of my own thoughts, and they’re telling me everything and anything to the contrary in order to make it seem like I shouldn’t be wasting anyone’s time. It’s going to be because I cannot make myself think it on a level that tells those thoughts to stop.
Those thoughts are monsters. They revel in the idea that somewhere, someone might think I’m being an attention-grabby person who just wants to feel validated. They love the thought that people will judge me and think me insecure.
But damnit, I AM insecure. I’m insecure because I have been fighting against internal and external forces my.entire.life that have been telling me I’m worth absolutely nothing. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I try. No matter if I break myself in the process.
If I ask you whether or not I am anything positive, it is because right now I feel anything but, and I’m losing.
On the days where I just cannot move, because I’m either in pain or my mind is off in a field somewhere picking daisies and setting them on fire, I NEED to feel like I’m still worth some kind of good thing in someone’s eyes. And those days happen a lot. Because I am still finding pieces of myself that I forgot went missing.
If you’re in the same boat, and a support network person isn’t up to the task of reminding you you’re worthwhile, do your best to ignore them and find someone who can help you. It is SO hard to see the good things you’re worth in an era that’s full of over-achievers and people talking about how MUCH they’ve been able to do in x amount of time. And it’s awesome that those people could do that. But we all need to take a step back and realise what we’re capable of, because for some, if it’s all you can do to feed yourself, keep clean, run an errand, or clean the house, BRAVO!!! I have days where I can’t even do any of that.
You’re worthwhile.
Tag: self-worth
Self-compassion versus self-esteem
This website provides information about self-compassion, and is intended for students, researchers, and the general public. Dr. Kristin Neff is an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin.Although self-compassion may seem similar to self-esteem, they are different in many ways. Self-esteem refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves. While there is little doubt that low self-esteem is problematic and often leads to depression and lack of motivation, trying to have higher self-esteem can also be problematic. In modern Western culture, self-esteem is often based on how much we are different from others, how much we stand out or are special. It is not okay to be average, we have to feel above average to feel good about ourselves. This means that attempts to raise self-esteem may result in narcissistic, self-absorbed behavior, or lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves. We also tend to get angry and aggressive towards those who have said or done anything that potentially makes us feel bad about ourselves. The need for high self-esteem may encourage us to ignore, distort or hide personal shortcomings so that we can’t see ourselves clearly and accurately. Finally, our self-esteem is often contingent on our latest success or failure, meaning that our self-esteem fluctuates depending on ever-changing circumstances.
In contrast to self-esteem, self-compassion is not based on self-evaluations. People feel compassion for themselves because all human beings deserve compassion and understanding, not because they possess some particular set of traits (pretty, smart, talented, and so on). This means that with self-compassion, you don’t have to feel better than others to feel good about yourself. Self-compassion also allows for greater self-clarity, because personal failings can be acknowledged with kindness and do not need to be hidden. Moreover, self-compassion isn’t dependent on external circumstances, it’s always available – especially when you fall flat on your face! Research indicates that in comparison to self-esteem, self-compassion is associated with greater emotional resilience, more accurate self-concepts, more caring relationship behavior, as well as less narcissism and reactive anger.
You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done – but simply because you are.
Max Lucado (via thatkindofwoman)
Holding the Bowl 