1. Different values, dreams and goals
2. Different levels of commitment/ hopes and expectations for the relationship
3. Meeting someone else
4. Being too incompatible/ having few interests in common
5. Dishonesty/ having secrets (alcohol, cheating, a child by a previous relationship etc)
6. Jealousy
7. Lack of trust / betraying trust
8. Imbalance in emotional needs/ level of support both wanted and given
9. Communication problems
10. Being unloving, disrespectful, rude, uncaring, unforgiving or mean.
Tag: relationships
How to Survive a Health Crisis or Chronic Illness in Marriage | Reader’s Digest
A medical crisis or lifelong health condition rewrites the script of your relationship. Your roles may change drastically. Your future doesn’t look the way you’d hoped. Sex, money, work, chores, fun — they’re all different now. “Managing the way an illness affects your marriage is just as important as keeping up with medications and doctor’s appointments and treatments,” Dr. Sotile says.
“Today, most illnesses aren’t short events. They’re processes that go on and on and on, possibly for the rest of your lives. And both of you will need different things at different times in the process. Couples who take responsibility for this can build stronger, closer marriages despite the presence of illness.”
How to Survive a Health Crisis or Chronic Illness in Marriage | Reader’s Digest
i want a relationship but i want them to be like a friend to me, i dont want the relationship to be all about kissing, making out and sex i just wanna hang out with them, and go places, and just have fun wherever we go
This post is surreal because that is exactly how a healthy relationship should be yet we’re convinced this is a weird and unusual thing to ask of our partners.
Love in the Time of Chronic Illness
When should you disclose medical conditions to a date? When is illness too much for a relationship to survive?
One major issue chronically ill people face in dating is disclosure. The question of when to share the illness with a prospective partner fills online forums, videos, articles, blogs, conferences, and discussions. Sharing too soon may scare the person off and sharing too late may lead to a lack of trust.
people say ‘I love you’ in a lot of different ways
‘eat something’
‘buckle up’
‘get some sleep’
‘here have my fries’
‘Im gonna draw you something’
A Football Grandma
My life has been filled with it’s ups and downs but overall, it’s a good life. I chose to have my children at a young age so that I would still be able to fulfill some of my life goals as they became independent adults. My plan was NOT what destiny had in store for me.
As I approach my 58th birthday early next year, I find myself raising two of my teenage grandchildren. Kim will soon be 18 and DJ will be 15 in December. They are great kids who were dealt a really bad hand in life. You see, their mother suffers from mental illness. She struggles on a daily basis with her own survival needs. Their father decided he should move on with his life, divorce their mom, and start a new family with another woman. I do believe that they both love their kids, unfortunately neither is capable of supporting them. Not emotionally or financially.
My husband and I have raised Kim since she was 3 months old. Her parents were too busy living their own lives to take care of the needs of an infant. DJ lived with his biological parents until July 2014. For the previous 2 years, he struggled to live with his mom who was fighting her own demons. Never having a stable home, he had attended as many as 5-6 different schools in his young life. He went weeks without electricity and sometimes water because the bills hadn’t been paid. The two meals that he could count on were the free breakfast and lunch he got at school. Weekends he prayed there would be food for at least 2 meals.
In early July, he came to visit us. He was excited to be starting high school in August and he was especially excited about playing football. Practices had been in full swing since early June and he was working really hard to make the team and impress his coaches. Unfortunately, he was also homeless. Sleeping on the floor wherever his mom could talk someone into letting them lay their heads. His few clothes were in trash bags. DJ was embarrassed and totally uncertain about what tomorrow would have in store for him. How could I selfishly sit back and watch a child endure all of that and not take a stand? The answer is that I couldn’t!
DJ is now living with me, my husband, and his sister Kim in our home. He is attending the local high school here and he made the JV football team! Not one week has passed since he began living with us that he doesn’t say “thank you so much grandma and grandpa for letting me come live with you and Kim.” He is thriving emotionally, physically and socially. DJ no longer has to worry about adult problems in life. He knows there will be food when he is hungry. He can take a daily shower without fear that the water will be turned off. The electricity is on so he can do his homework and actually concentrate on his schoolwork. Also, he now has a bed in his own bedroom!
My life is nothing like I envisioned it would be at this point in time but I wouldn’t change a thing. I have found a new purpose in my life. A new reason to get out of bed every morning. I’ve joined the PTA again! My social calendar now includes Thursday night JV football games cheering for my #10 corner back!!! Friday nights are now spent working in the concession booth at the Varsity football games! As a Bengal Booster Club parent, that is now my job. So as I near my 58th birthday early next year, I am traveling the path of parenthood all over again. It’s a path that I wouldn’t trade for any other and that I thank God for giving me the health and means to provide for His two beautiful creations!
Warm Hugs My Friends,
Donna
I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.
Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”
#613: How do I reach out to my friends who have depression? | Captain Awkward
P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”
(via startrekrenegades)
People need to stop perpetuating the myth that polyamory can’t be healthy.
Though I will say, personally, I don’t mind people asking me horrifically intrusive and detailed questions about my sex life and relationships. The only stuff I won’t answer there are any points that one of my partners has asked me to keep quiet about.
-Pete
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.
Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
10 Things You Learn When You’re in a Good Relationship
1. Misunderstandings are inevitable.
Misunderstandings are going to happen. If you take your partner’s words one way, then learn they meant something totally different, don’t punish him or her. Let it go. Bringing it up all the time is only going to bruise the relationship and cause communication problems later. Sometimes what you say or do will be taken the wrong way, and you’ll get frustrated that your partner doesn’t understand. Take a step back and realize it’s not a big deal. Misunderstandings only become problems if you let them grow bigger and mean more in the scope of your relationship. Be laid-back and forgive misunderstandings.2. Trust.
You have to trust your partner. Why would you share your life with someone when you think they’re doing something wrong every time you turn your back? If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. The best relationships begin with a deep trust, and even if problems come up (and they will!), the trust is strong enough to keep you together.3. Let yourselves miss each other.
You’re in love, so you want to be together all the time! It’s so fun to cuddle all night and be together all day, but when will you have time to experience different things? When you go to separate work places or schools, you’re experiencing things that will give you something to talk about later. When you go out with your friends and your partner spends time with theirs, then you’re having time and space to yourself, then coming back to each other refreshed. You have a chance to miss each other, and it helps you really understand the value of your relationship. Missing someone is great because getting to see them after that period will make you so happy and so sure of your relationship.4. Encourage growth and change.
In a good relationship, both partners are encouraged to grow and change. You have one life to live – you should explore it to the fullest! If you want to quit your job and go back to school, your partner should support you. If you want to try something new or go back to something old, you should find support in your relationship. And you should give this support in return. Encourage your partner to explore hobbies and interests and meet new people. If you want your partner to stay the same, you’re going to have a very boring life together.5. Compromising doesn’t mean you’re weak.
Compromising doesn’t mean “giving in.” It doesn’t mean that you lost the fight. In fact, it’s the opposite. Do you know how hard it is to compromise sometimes? You want your way because it sounds right and makes sense to you. Your partner is way off base with their suggestions. Take a step back and look at the argument diplomatically. What’s the logical conclusion? If your partner is right, don’t be afraid to say so. Accept their way, or modify both of your solutions to be half and half. The important thing is not getting your way, it’s staying in your relationship and helping it grow. Compromising will definitely help your relationship grow.6. Admit your weaknesses.
Your partner doesn’t expect you to be a superhero, and hopefully you don’t expect that of them! We’re all human; we all have flaws. It’s OK to let these show. In fact, to have a stable, serious relationship, you need to let your weaknesses be known. Your partner will be more sensitive to things that bother you, and can help build you up in areas where you need some help.7. Sometimes you can only accept things, not fix them.
People have baggage. You have some. Your partner has some. Can you go back and erase all of this? Nope! You’re stuck with it, and have to learn to deal with it. Some things are easier to get over than others, but the reality is that sometimes, you can’t fix things. You can’t make problems go away. You have to accept it and get over it and move on, or else your relationship will crumble.8. Forgive quickly and truly.
Whenever you have a fight, don’t worry about who wins or who loses. Learn from the fight – from what was said as much as from how it was resolved. Once you learn from a fight, you can apply that lesson to your relationship to avoid trouble later. That’s all well and good, but you’re not done! Forgive your partner! Forgive yourself. The fight is over, you’re past it, now let it go. Never hold anything against your partner, because the resentment will build until you don’t want to be with them.9. Never expect anything.
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind, or to bring you breakfast in bed, or to offer to wash the dishes. It’s not going to happen. You can’t expect anything from anyone – you have to make your desires known. Communicate. Make sure your partner knows what you expect from the relationship, as well as your opinions on a wide variety of issues. This will help them act considerate towards you, but still – don’t expect anything!10. Show your feelings.
The worst thing you can do in a relationship is play games. Don’t tease your partner; don’t “reward” good deeds with love and affection. You have to make sure your partner always feels loved. You can be happy with them or be mad at them – it doesn’t matter – they just need to feel loved. They need to know your feelings in the moment as well, don’t get me wrong. But make sure you’re showing your feelings in a way so they won’t be misunderstood (back to #1!).
Holding the Bowl 