1. Bosom Buddies: This is where the mother wants to be her daughter’s best friend. The relationship is usually warm and close, and the mother prides herself on always being there to emotionally support and advise her daughter. Communication is open, honest and real – which can start to feel threatening as the daughter gets older and wants to erect appropriate boundaries. In this type of mother-daughter bond, the mothers lives vicariously through her daughter and find it hard to discipline appropriately (as she’s too enmeshed with her daughter’s life).
2. Boss and Subordinate: This is where the mother wants to dominate and control every aspect of her daughter’s life. She’s always giving her opinion, making demands, and requiring her daughter to follow her rules, or live up to the expectations she has set. She’s also rigid, harsh and may lack empathy. Although the daughter may comply in her younger years, she is quietly resentful and will likely rebel – either strongly and loudly, or in a more passive way. She may feel she must be “perfect”, have low self-esteem and fear rejection and judgement by others.
3. Rivals: This is where the mother sees her daughter as a rival or threat so she’s always in competition with her. Thus, instead of seeing each other as completely separate people, and allowing each other to simply be themselves, the mother and daughter are constantly comparing themselves to see which one is thinner, smarter, prettier or more successful in life. This is usually done in a fun-loving way, and the bond they share is understanding and strong. However, it can lead to a feeling of not being seen, valued and accepted as they are – and unconditionally.
4. The Role-Reversal Relationship: This is where the mother expects her daughter to be there to support and bolster her. She has no concern for her daughter’s needs as her focus is ensuring her daughter nurtures her. This is clearly unhealthy as the daughter feels abandoned, and grows up feeling neglected and used. As a child, the daughter’s learned she must sacrifice herself and only think others, and their needs and preferences. This can lead to being a doormat, and to low self-esteem.
Tag: relationships
How to Recognise a Toxic Friend
1. Is this a person who always puts you down? A friend is someone who accepts you as you are – and allows you to be different, and to think for yourself, and to make your own decisions – without an explanation. However, if a person is demeaning or always puts you down, criticises your opinions, or the way you dress or look, then that’s someone to avoid as they’re a toxic friend.
2. Do they gossip about you? A friend is someone you can totally trust. You can share your deepest secrets, and say what’s on your mind – and they won’t tell a person or betray your trust. However, if you always have to watch what you say around a friend, as they’re likely to gossip or let a secret slip, then it’s likely that this person is a toxic friend.
3. Do they constantly mock and make fun of you? A bit of gentle ribbing shows affection between friends. But if they’re always making fun of you, or highlighting your faults, or attacking you in public, then they’re not a genuine friend.
4. How do you feel after being with your friend? Think about your answers to the following:
– Do you feel defensive when you spend time with them?
– Do you feel hurt or upset after spending time with them?
– Do you feel as if you always have to justify yourself instead of being “natural” around your friend?
– Do you enjoy their company or do you feel ambivalent?
– Do they undermine your confidence and self-esteem?
– Do you feel attacked and used after spending time with them?
– Does the friendship feel unbalanced and require a lot of work?
– Is it more a competition than a genuine friendship?
Note: If you recognize the signs of a toxic friend, then it’s time to move on and find a different friend. Being with this individual will wreak your happiness.
Communicating with Children: You Make the Difference
Rule #1: Listen! Listen! Listen!
When your children want to talk, stop everything. If you continue what you were doing, they will think you don’t care and don’t have time for them. Avoid jumping in and not letting them vent or discuss their concerns, worries, and fears. In life, sometimes we all need a shoulder to cry on. At times, we don’t even want advice or comments. Other times, we just want to be heard and to feel like someone shares our pain. A silent and sympathetic ear is sometimes the best thing we can give to our children.
Here are a few words that show we are listening:
- Tell me more!
- I know.
- Wow!
- That is just awful.
- I am here.
- Go ahead; let it out.
Rule #2: Remember, there is power in choice.
When you are talking to your children, give them a choice whenever possible. Allow them to feel you are talking with them and asking them rather than talking at them and telling them. Make conversations a two-way street rather than a power struggle.
Rule #3: Avoid untrue statements and things said out of anger and frustration.
Your children will learn to listen and believe when you speak to them truthfully and calmly. Trust and respect come from honesty and sincerity. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.
Rule #4: Be a source of encouragement.
When your children confide in you, they should feel relieved, inspired, and recharged, rather than guilty or that they are a source of disappointment to you. When they come to you with a problem or situation, offer your ear as well as words of encouragement.
The following are examples of words of encouragement:
- I know you can handle it.
- Every problem has a solution, even this.
- Think it over; you will figure this out.
- I am here to help you.
- I went through this at your age, like when…
Rule #5: Make your conversations places of comfort.
Try to step away from being the parent when listening, and put yourself in your child’s shoes. Think about how difficult the conversation may be for your child, and think before you react.
Rule #6: Avoid the 20 questions or drill routine.
Try not to take over the conversation. If children share something with you and feel like they are being scolded or like they are disappointing you, they probably will not let it happen again. As a parent, there will be times when you must address an issue your child discusses with you; be sure you address the behavior or action and not the child.
Rule #7: Make a point of being the initiator.
Out of the blue, follow up on a previous subject of interest before your child comes to you. This reinforces for your child that you care and also brings you into your child’s circle.
Rule #8: Take time to share.
A busy parent is not always the best parent. Drop everything and do something spontaneous like taking in a movie on a school night or doing homework in the park.
Rule #9: Apologize when you are wrong.
If you say something or do something you probably shouldn’t have, say you are sorry. Admit that you too are human and make mistakes.
Rule #10: Love Them!
Don’t just love them…tell them you love them. Show them affection just as you did when they were small. Bake a cake for no occasion, play a game, take a walk after dinner. Show your love by showing them there is no better time spent than with them.
Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits
You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.
Daniell Koepke
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A Letter to My Neurotypical Daughter – GeekMom
Natania reflects on the challenges of raising two kids – one with autism and the other who is neurotypical – and the daily life struggles and triumphs that come about.
No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.
For 8-year-old Noah Aldrich, his 6-year-old sibling, Lucas, is more than a brother; he’s a best friend.
Noah completed a mini-triathlon in Boise, Idaho, all while alternately pushing and pulling Lucas, who, as a result of a rare genetic condition, cannot walk, talk or eat on his own. The duo finished in a time just over 54 minutes. And while Lucas had a smile on his face for hours afterward, many adults at the finish line couldn’t contain their tears.
(Source) Follow Ultrafacts for more facts
This is the sweetest thing ever
Strangers Assume My Girlfriend Is My Nurse
I was recently out on a dinner date with my lovely girlfriend, Anna, when a stranger approached to have a friendly conversation. He said he was a huge fan of my column, and then turned to my girlfriend and asked, “Are you his sister?”
Never let anyone tell you that you are not worth being loved if you don’t love yourself. Never let anyone tell you that your mental illness is the reason why you are not in a relationship. Never let anyone tell you that you should smile more, fix your hair, or wear more color. Never let anyone make you feel bad about what you can’t always control.
What It’s Like To Be In Love When You Have Depression By: Holly Everett (source)
Holding the Bowl 