On why it is unhealthy for parents to over-share their children’s worst moments on…
Tag: parenting
disabled children need to know that they’re worth more than being inspirational objects for abled adults
My daughter has not seen her biological dad since she was four. She’s 11 now. When she was two he contacted me and asked if I would allow him to terminate his parental rights so he could stop paying child support and I agreed.. I wanted to spare her the heartache of a revolving door father and the sacrifice of the financial support was well worth him never being able to disappoint her again. I never lied to her about where he went or who her dad was.. I have always answered her questions in the most age appropriate way possible. When she was four he contacted me and told me he has been diagnosed with cancer and would like to see her. I set aside a day and we met in the park. He had asked for two hours. He stayed 20 minutes and we never heard from him again.. Over the summer we ran into somebody that knows him and they commented on how she looks like his other children. They elaborated that he has settled down and has a family now. My stomach tied itself in knots thinking of how hurtful that must be to my daughter.. I cut the conversation short and we got in the car to leave and that’s when I saw her smiling. She said “mom.. He figured out how to be a dad. That’s such a nice thing. I’m happy for his kids.” And that’s the day an 11 year old taught me all I need to know about forgiveness
This perfectly summarizes why I love the Simpsons and hate Family Guy.
Yup.
So this.
I watched that episode with my family and I could just feel how uncomfortable everyone was. Honestly, it was a really jarring, unpleasant episode.
Homer is a terrible dad. So is Peter. But Homer’s saving grace has always been that he tries—he’s bad at it and he fucks it up a lot, but he loves his family and he wants to be better than he is.
One of my favorite Homer moments is in “Diatribe of a Mad Housewife.” Tl;dr Marge writes a steamy romance novel starring herself and Ned, and when Homer finds out, he chases down Ned and, rather than attack him, asks him to teach him how to be a better husband.
There’s some part of his stupid self that wants to do better.
I never got that impression with Peter. Instead, the family has gotten more and more abusive towards Meg. It’s really unsettling for me when I started realizing that’s what happens sometimes in abusive families. Abusers sometimes single out one child to abuse, and quite often the other family members take the abuser’s side. After all, it’s easier to side with an abuser than to run the risk of becoming the target yourself.
There’s never really a point where it seems like Peter cares at all that his shitty behavior impacts his family. It actually seems to have gotten worse over the years. He expects everyone to clean up his messes because that’s always what happens; there’s really no reason for him not to be shitty.
And it’s easy to see how Meg is affected. She doesn’t have much of a character, really, because so much her screen time is devoted to being abused. The bits of character development all seem to hinge on her being this sad, neglected person who’s trying her best but never really gets any help from anyone. Quite the opposite; there have been a lot of episodes where her family sabotages any attempts to be herself.
It can be easy to forget how awful this behavior is when the only context is the show itself (frankly, everyone on Family Guy is kind of terrible). Seeing it played against the Simpsons, who are a flawed and dysfunctional but ultimately loving family, was painful to watch.
Guys, look. They finally made a baby stroller for wheelchair-
boundusing mothers. This is so important.My wife is a physical therapist. She started tearing up when I showed this to her.
Pulling Triggers
Mothering with mental illness
I am a mother with mental illness – one who is raising a beautiful, caring son.
Tips to be your child’s health advocate
Being engaged and informed in your child’s health is one of the most important roles that a parent can fill, but dealing with a health issue can be anxiety-inducing for most parents. Here are some practical tips to help you navigate health concerns for your child.
BE INFORMED: If you have been referred to a specialist, make a list of questions prior to the visit. Keep a journal with dates and notes of each episode that your child has had and any medications the child has taken. For instance, if your child is seeing an allergist, bring a list of all known allergies, foods that triggered a reaction, severity and type of reaction, time to reaction, and any medications taken.
FIND SUPPORT: Join a support group with parents who have children coping with similar health issues. You can connect with parents in a local support group or online – and these connections can help you with everything from finding the right doctor to dealing with the emotional stress of a new diagnosis. Kinsights.com hosts online support communities to connect parents who are dealing with similar conditions and concerns. The site is also a secure resource to store your child’s medical history so you can keep track of your child’s health.
ASK QUESTIONS: Knowledge is power. Spend time doing research and get familiar with the medical terminology associated with your child’s condition. You’ll be a more informed parent, and you’ll be empowered to ask better questions during your child’s appointments.
BE PROACTIVE: Keep a copy of your child’s medical records with you when seeing a new specialist. Keep accurate records of dates and treatments for each doctor you’ve seen so that you aren’t piecing together your child’s medical history each time you see a new physician.
Whether you are managing an ongoing health issue or are in the process of finding a diagnosis, connecting with parents who have been in your shoes before can provide a crucial support network. And access to health information is better than ever before – just make sure you’re looking at reliable sources for research, medical information and insights on your child’s condition.
A group called Connecticut Working Mom’s has put together an AMAZING photo spread called “Lets End The Mommy Wars”. The photo shoot was about embracing their different parenting choices.
“Let’s end the mommy wars, once and for all, by tapping into our compassion and letting go of our judgments. Cause seriously people, the world needs more love and less judgment.”
Check them out on Facebook!
More Love. Less Judgment.
This is important!
Communicating with Children: You Make the Difference
Rule #1: Listen! Listen! Listen!
When your children want to talk, stop everything. If you continue what you were doing, they will think you don’t care and don’t have time for them. Avoid jumping in and not letting them vent or discuss their concerns, worries, and fears. In life, sometimes we all need a shoulder to cry on. At times, we don’t even want advice or comments. Other times, we just want to be heard and to feel like someone shares our pain. A silent and sympathetic ear is sometimes the best thing we can give to our children.
Here are a few words that show we are listening:
- Tell me more!
- I know.
- Wow!
- That is just awful.
- I am here.
- Go ahead; let it out.
Rule #2: Remember, there is power in choice.
When you are talking to your children, give them a choice whenever possible. Allow them to feel you are talking with them and asking them rather than talking at them and telling them. Make conversations a two-way street rather than a power struggle.
Rule #3: Avoid untrue statements and things said out of anger and frustration.
Your children will learn to listen and believe when you speak to them truthfully and calmly. Trust and respect come from honesty and sincerity. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.
Rule #4: Be a source of encouragement.
When your children confide in you, they should feel relieved, inspired, and recharged, rather than guilty or that they are a source of disappointment to you. When they come to you with a problem or situation, offer your ear as well as words of encouragement.
The following are examples of words of encouragement:
- I know you can handle it.
- Every problem has a solution, even this.
- Think it over; you will figure this out.
- I am here to help you.
- I went through this at your age, like when…
Rule #5: Make your conversations places of comfort.
Try to step away from being the parent when listening, and put yourself in your child’s shoes. Think about how difficult the conversation may be for your child, and think before you react.
Rule #6: Avoid the 20 questions or drill routine.
Try not to take over the conversation. If children share something with you and feel like they are being scolded or like they are disappointing you, they probably will not let it happen again. As a parent, there will be times when you must address an issue your child discusses with you; be sure you address the behavior or action and not the child.
Rule #7: Make a point of being the initiator.
Out of the blue, follow up on a previous subject of interest before your child comes to you. This reinforces for your child that you care and also brings you into your child’s circle.
Rule #8: Take time to share.
A busy parent is not always the best parent. Drop everything and do something spontaneous like taking in a movie on a school night or doing homework in the park.
Rule #9: Apologize when you are wrong.
If you say something or do something you probably shouldn’t have, say you are sorry. Admit that you too are human and make mistakes.
Rule #10: Love Them!
Don’t just love them…tell them you love them. Show them affection just as you did when they were small. Bake a cake for no occasion, play a game, take a walk after dinner. Show your love by showing them there is no better time spent than with them.
Holding the Bowl 