here’s the deal with self care, for me:
pleasure, in the fun late-capitalism hellhole of present-day america, is treated like a luxury. it’s expensive. it’s frivolous. it’s guilty. if we want to eat ice cream out of the carton and be socially acceptable at the same time, we’d better have earned that ice cream. maybe by like running a marathon or getting dumped by an asshole. if we’re going to duck into the corner store and buy fresh flowers, it’s because we’ve had a hard week, not because flowers are nice. we can take a day off work, but only if we’re sick. we have to suffer before we’re allowed extra kindness.
in this equation pleasure is optional (irresponsible, even), except when it’s a balm for suffering.
however! we need pleasure to live. a life without nice feelings in it is like a diet with no vitamins in it. it’ll make you sick and eventually it’ll kill you. we know this because people with depression stop feeling pleasure, and they often kill themselves. left untreated, depression is a fatal disease.
pleasure is not optional. pleasure is not a luxury. without it, we die. that is literally the opposite of a luxury.
because pleasure is treated like a luxury, and priced accordingly, it is fucking hard to get. it’s hard to take time to relax and see loved ones when corporations aren’t required to offer paid vacation. it’s hard to buy that special face scrub or art print or pretty yarn when it costs $35 and student loans are breathing down your neck. so pleasure gets saved up for when things are really bad. pleasure gets budgeted. pleasure, once again, becomes something we have to earn by abstaining and hurting and gritting our teeth.
do this to people long enough and pleasure becomes potently associated with guilt. this thing we need desperately to stay alive is suddenly something we can’t seek out without looking over our shoulder and wondering if we’re allowed to have it.
that’s why it’s so important that we talk about self care, and tell ourselves and each other that it is okay to do things that feel good. it is necessary to do things that feel good. we have to uncouple suffering and pleasure, because the idea that we have to earn feeling good by first feeling bad is monstrous and wrong.
take care of yourselves, darlings. don’t feel bad about it.
Tag: mental health
The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment. Everything there was to do seemed like too much work. I would come home and I would see the red light flashing on my answering machine, and instead of being thrilled to hear from my friends, I would think, “What a lot of people that is to have to call back.” Or I would decide I should have lunch, and then I would think, but I’d have to get the food out and put it on a plate and cut it up and chew it and swallow it, and it felt to me like the Stations of the Cross.
And one of the things that often gets lost in discussions of depression is that you know it’s ridiculous. You know it’s ridiculous while you’re experiencing it. You know that most people manage to listen to their messages and eat lunch and organize themselves to take a shower and go out the front door and that it’s not a big deal, and yet you are nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it.
Andrew Solomon, Depression – The Secret We Share, TED talks (via feigenbaumsworld)
This is exactly it.
(via bisexualstilinski)
Long-Term Depression May Boost Stroke Risk Long After Mood Improves
It’s Mental Health Awareness Month we all have mental health just like we all have physical health.
SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO STILL TRIES TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS AFTER DEPRESSION HIT THEM HARD. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH RECOGNITION FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT THEY’RE GOING TO LOSE INTEREST AND MOTIVATION AGAIN BUT PUSH THEMSELVES TO DO STUFF ANYWAYS. YOU ARE FIGHTING A DAILY BATTLE WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND YOU’RE STILL COMING OUT ON TOP, YOU’RE ALL BRAVE AS FUCK
“my brain’s being shit today” is actually just code for “my brain is doing the same shit it does everyday; today im just too tired to hide it”
MY FELLOW FIBRO WARRIORS (and others who experience cognitive fog)
This product is so freaking cool. I got my pack at Papersource, I bet you can find them online. I know we all make lists, but really, how often do we check those lists? Not often enough.
Now your list can go on your wrist!! Hot damn.
Oh my god I need, link???????
These are the best idea ever!
oooooh
You can buy them [here]
oh my goodness, this would be great for ADHD too.
I wear glasses. Can I manage without glasses? Well, yes, probably. I could squint a lot, constantly move up close to anything I want to see, take the bus or a taxi if I want to go anywhere. I could just accept that I’ll never be able to see eagles flying in the sky or whales jumping out of the ocean.
But why? Why try so hard to manage life when I could just put on a pair of glasses? No one would ever suggest a near-sighted person should just work harder. No one would say ‘Maybe that’s just your normal’ to someone that needs glasses. They would say ‘Let’s go to the eye doctor and get you a prescription so you’re able to see again.’
You shouldn’t have to try so hard.
My doctor (paraphrased), when I expressed doubts about going back on an anti-depressant. (via
(via squidilydink)
This is such a good analogy because nobody thinks about it like this. If you wear glasses, you literally need constant use of a medical aid to experience the world like most people do. If it were anything besides glasses, that would be considered a disability. But needing glasses is an extremely common, visible, and accepted form of disability to the point that we don’t even consider it one, we just accept that some people need glasses and that’s perfectly normal and there’s nothing wrong with needing to rely on them.
That is how all disabilities and illnesses should be seen, and how we should look at treatment for them. You have a problem, and you need help dealing with it, and there’s nothing wrong with either of those things. That’s perfectly normal and that’s okay.
(via ninjarobotclone)
Reblogging myself bc ^^that^^ was such a beautiful addition. ~JJ
(via teachthemhowtothink)
Saving grace.
Hey you.
Yes. You.
Have you been having a rough go of things? No clue where to go, or who you can talk to? -Don’t want to bother anyone?-
Windsor has a Community Crisis hotline. And you don’t have to be on the brink of suicide to use it. I called them earlier to help stop a panic attack from happening. The man on the other line was compassionate, kind, and followed my babbling no matter where the conversation went. He laughed with me. He made me laugh.
We don’t even know each other’s names.
But that man, on the other line, helped me. We talked about random things, mental things, dogs, cats, gadgets.
So thank you, kind sir. You made the turmoil of this entire day more bearable.
519-973-4435. If you’re ever lost, they WILL be there.
Holding the Bowl 