“I know you used to be depressed for a long time, and I want to know what your motivation was to change something to not live that way anymore?”
“I think it’s important to have something to do, something to look forward to, and something to love. If you have those three things in place, then…it is not a cure-all for depression…it’s not a cure-all for mental health issues…but it’s a place to hang your hat. It’s something around which you can build your day. It’s a starting off; it’s a foundation, at least…to go from there.”
– Wentworth Miller at German Comic con, 09. 12. 2017.
ultimately i think kindness is the most radical thing you can do with your pain and your anger. it’s like, you take everything awful that’s ever been done to you, and you throw it back in the world’s teeth, and you say no, fuck you, i’m not going to take this. you say this is unacceptable. you say that shit stops with me.
humans are fucking terrible and this awful world we live in will fucking kill you but if you are kind, if you are brave and clever and try really hard, you can defy it. you can impose on this bleak and monstrous structure something beautiful. even if it’s temporary. even if it doesn’t heal anything inside you that’s been hurt.
i’m gonna sleep and i’m gonna wake up and i swear by everything in this deadly horrible universe i’m gonna make someone happy.
i’ve seen a number of comments and tags where people feel that they must swallow or repress their anger in order to engage in kindness. that is not at all what i am recommending here. radical kindness is an expression of anger. it is not passive. it is not repressive. it does not require you, in any way, to forgive those that have fucked you up. it does not require you to be quiet.
it just requires that you be kind. viciously. vengefully. you fight back. you plant flowers. give to charity. play games. pet someone’s dog. scream into the dark. paint and write and dance, tell jokes, sing songs, bake cookies. you have been hurt and you don’t have to deny that hurt. you just have to recognize it in other people, and take their hand, and say: no more. enough. fuck this. no more.
have a cookie.
i will say this again: we are all going to die. the universe is enormous and almost entirely empty. to be kind to each other is the most incredible act of defiance against the dark that i can imagine.
i will say this again: we are all going to die. the universe is enormous and almost entirely empty. to be kind to each other is the most incredible act of defiance against the dark that i can imagine.
3. Two good quotes by Kurt Vonnegut: “Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the
winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve
got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of,
babies-“God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
And: “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do
not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your
sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may
disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
All slides have a light blue background, and the text is written in blue rectangles with rounded corners.
Slide 1: The title is in white text inside a dark blue circle that is centred in the slide.
Sensory Overload And how to cope
Slide 2: The header is in a dark blue rectangle and white text, and the body is in a pale blue rectangle and black text.
Sensory overload has been found to be associated with disorders such as:
Fibromyalgia (FM)
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Autistic spectrum disorders
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Synesthesia
Slide 3: The text is in three pale blue rectangles that
go horizontally across the slide. All use black text. The last
rectangle has four smaller dark blue rectangles with white text inside
it for the four points. The text is centred in all of the rectangles.
Sensory overload occurs when one (or more) of the body’s senses experiences over-stimulation from the environment.
Basically it feels like everything is happening at once, and is happening too fast for you to keep up with.
Sensory overload can result from the overstimulation of any of the senses.
Hearing: Loud noise or sound from multiple sources, such as several people talking at once.
Sight: Bright lights, strobe lights, or environments with lots of movement such as crowds or frequent scene changes on TV.
Smell and Taste: Strong aromas or spicy foods.
Touch: Tactile sensations such as being touched by another person or the feel of cloth on skin.
Slide 4: A heading in two light blue rectangles with black
text, followed by a table with a dark blue first row that has white
text, and then alternating pale blue and white rows with black text.
(The table is not really a table, it is just a four-column list.)
Obviously, everyone reacts in differently to sensory overload.
Some behavioural examples are:
Irritability — “Shutting down” — Covers eyes around bright lights — Difficulty concentrating Angry
outbursts — Refuses to interact and participate — Covers ears to close
out sounds or voices — Jumping from task to task without completing Overexcitement — Low energy levels — Difficulty speaking — Compains about noises not effecting others High energy levels — Sleepiness/fatigue — poor eye contact — Overly sensitive to sounds/lights/touch Fidgeting and restlessness — Avoids touching/being touched — Muscle tension — Difficulty with social interactions
Slide 5: The header is in a dark blue box with pointy
corners and white text. The body is in a pale blue box with pointy
corners and black text.
There are two different methods to prevent sensory overload: avoidance and setting limits:
Create a more quiet and orderly environment – keeping the noise to a minimum and reducing the sense of clutter.
Rest before big events.
Focus your attention and energy on one thing at a time.
Restrict time spent on various activities.
Select settings to avoid crowds and noise.
One may also limit interactions with specific people to help prevent sensory overload.
Slide 6: This looks the same as the last slide except the text in the header is black.
It is important in situations of sensory overload to calm oneself and return to a normal level.
Remove yourself from the situation.
Deep pressure against the skin combined with proprioceptive input
that stimulates the receptors in the joints and ligaments often calms
the nervous system.
Reducing sensory input such as eliminating distressing sounds and lowering the lights can help.
Calming, focusing music works for some.
Take an extended rest if a quick break doesn’t relieve the problem.
Slide 7: Four light blue rectangles with rounded corners, stacked one above the other, with black text.
What if someone you know is experiencing sensory overload?
Recognize the onset of overload. If they appear to
have lost abilities that they usually have, such as forgetting how to
speak, this is often a sign of severe overload.
Reduce the noise level. If they are in a noisy area,
offer to guide them somewhere more quiet. Give time to process
questions and respond, because overload tends to slow processing. If you
can control the noise level, for example by turning off music, do so.
Do not touch or crowd them. Many people in SO are
hypersensitive to touch – being touched or thinking they are about to be
touched can worsen the overload. If they are seated or are a small
child, get down to their level instead of looming above them.
Slide 8: Similar to previous slide, only with three rectangles instead of four.
Don’t talk more than necessary. Ask if you need to
in order to help, but don’t try to say something reassuring or get them
talking about something else. Speech is sensory input, and can worsen
overload.
If they have a jacket, they may want to put it on and put the hood up. This
helps to reduce stimulation, and many people find the weight of a
jacket comforting. If their jacket is not within reach, ask them if they
want you to bring it. A heavy blanket can also help in a similar way.
Don’t react to aggression. Don’t take it personally.
It is rare for someone who is overloaded to cause serious harm, because
they don’t want to hurt you, just get out of the situation. Aggression
often occurs because you tried to touched/restrained/blocked their
escape.
Slide 9: Similar to previous slide, only with two rectangles instead of three.
When they have calmed down, be aware that they will often be tired and more susceptible to overload for quite awhile afterwards. It
can take hours or days to fully recover from an episode of sensory
overload. If you can, try to reduce stress occurring later on as well.
If they start self-injuring, you should usually not try to stop them.
Restraint is likely to make their overload worse. Only intervene if
they are doing something that could cause serious injury, such as hard
biting or banging their head. It’s a lot better to deal with self-injury indirectly by lowering overload.
Slide 10: The header is in a dark blue rectangle with white
text, and the other text is in a row of five dark blue circles with
white text. The text is centred in all shapes.
To summarise – Remember the 5 R’s
Recognise The symptoms of overload
Remove Yourself from the situation
Reduce the stimulus causing the overload
Relax Your body and calm yourself down
Rest Yourself as you will most likely feel fatigue.]
You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.
One of the most important things I’ve learned as a Real Adult™ is the importance of a job half done.
Today I did a load of dishes, wiped off my stove, and swept the kitchen floor. Did I do the best job, or finish every dish? No! My stove still has that caked on caramel that I need to bust out an SOS pad to take care of, one of our big pots is still sitting in the sink, and somehow a kitty kibble unearthed itself while I was wiping down the stove (?? how??).. but the kitchen looks a LOT better. It’s once again an inhabitable, usable space.
Parents, bosses, teachers, even my own self, harp upon absolute perfect completion of a task as the be all and end all of a job well done, but god damn, my kitchen isn’t terrible because I took the time to improve it. Little steps, especially when you’re struggling, are important. They mean a LOT. They are a sign that you won, if only in that brief moment, and they make getting all the other stuff done so much easier later on down the road.
This is literally the only way that chronically-depressed me can accomplish anything.
if you can only muster enough energy to half-ass something, remember, half an ass is better than none at all
remember too that if you half-ass something now that means in future you will need less ass to complete it later, and future you will also be saved.
My son and I both had rough days yesterday, and right before bedtime,
my wife and I were talking to him about good days and bad days, limits,
and why at a certain point we all start to feel overwhelmed and fall
apart. I considered bringing up spoon theory, but thought it would be a bit too abstract for him. So instead, I started talking about about Captain America’s shield.
Because
in general, every day has good stuff and bad stuff. And just like Cap,
we all have a shield we can use to deflect some of the bad stuff and
keep it from getting to us. But sometimes there’s too much stuff to
block it all, and Cap gets hurt. We all have bad days like that
sometimes, where there’s just too much.
What makes life trickier
is that your shield can change size. If you’re hungry or overtired, your
shield might shrink down to the size of a saucer, which makes it harder
to deflect anything. On the other hand, if you’ve had a good night’s
sleep, gotten some good exercise, and had fun with your friends, you
could end up with a super-shield that’s as big as you are. (Or even a
full suit of Iron Man armor. We went off on a tangent at this point,
wondering why Tony doesn’t go to Wakanda and make an Iron Man suit out
of vibranium.)
As a metaphor, Cap’s shield worked well. We talked
about why something might not bother you one day, but the same thing
might really get to you on another, depending on how big your shield is
that day, and how much else you’ve been trying to deflect. It also
seemed to be a good way of talking about self-care, and ways to
strengthen your shield so it wouldn’t shrink or crack.
Don’t know if it will be helpful to anyone else, but it was a good conversation with my son, so I figured I’d put it out there.