studyhardlivebetter:

Sometimes depression is apathy. It is staring at the roof for hours and it noticing the time ticking by. It is clicking ‘next episode’ while not knowing what has happened for the last two seasons. It is reading page after page as the words fall out of your head with every flip. It is eating exclusively cereal for days at a time.

Sometimes depression is sadness. It overwhelms your soul like a tsunami, making you lurch in the darkness and gasp for breath like it is a butterfly just out of reach. It is sobbing in the shower over nothing in particular. It is concocting irrationally sad hypotheticals in which your loved ones die or leave you or stop caring and you are alone.  

Sometimes depression is frustration. It is the stack of rotting dishes in the sink that you know you have to clean but you cannot bring yourself to stand up let alone scrub. It is wanting to tear your hair out from self hatred and pent up anger at your brain which has put you in this position. It is the unanswered messages from people who care which drive you mad in the night as you can’t string the right words together in the right order to do them justice. 

Sometimes depression is absent. It is bursts of energy and productivity, designed to trick you into thinking that the light of the end of the tunnel is right there, before it throws you down another dark corridor. It is waking up feeling peppy and bright and energetic, allowing to get on with you life and be happy for an instant, but meeting you at the end of the day like a circling vulture ready to pick apart every choice you made and feast on your mistakes.

Sometimes depression is pathetic. It is feeling accomplished when you get out of bed in the mid-afternoon. It is streaming tears as you struggle to swallow slimy packet noodles. It is pushing away those who love you and support you because loneliness is paramount, and the depression must be fed, must be appeased, must be put before everything. 

Sometimes depression is comforting. It is an old friend with open arms and a warm bed, ready and willing to pull you under, to keep you floating in its dark waters, to fill your lungs with its greyscale and preserve you as a message to the rest. 

Sometimes depression is unsatisfactory. It is hope-crushing routine designed to keep your spirit in orbit. It is unchecked to-do lists and unfinished projects. It is fleeting dreams which never got the run needed to take off. 

Sometimes depression is pressure. It is a physical presence looking over your shoulder, looming, predicting failure and ensuring it is correct. It is tightness in your chest for no reason. It is headaches and stomachaches and heartaches and aches that wrack your body for any sign of resistance, to draw it out and destroy it.

Depression is multifaceted. It is an enemy like any other, complete with weaknesses which can be exploited until it has been conquered. Do not let it win. Seek help, surround yourself with a positive support network, remember that you are not alone, and you will beat this ❤