If I ask

ofcourseitsmyhead:

If I ask you to validate something, it’s not because I’m fishing for anything superficial.

It’s going to be because I’m sitting in the middle of my own thoughts, and they’re telling me everything and anything to the contrary in order to make it seem like I shouldn’t be wasting anyone’s time. It’s going to be because I cannot make myself think it on a level that tells those thoughts to stop.

Those thoughts are monsters. They revel in the idea that somewhere, someone might think I’m being an attention-grabby person who just wants to feel validated. They love the thought that people will judge me and think me insecure.

But damnit, I AM insecure. I’m insecure because I have been fighting against internal and external forces my.entire.life that have been telling me I’m worth absolutely nothing. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I try. No matter if I break myself in the process.

If I ask you whether or not I am anything positive, it is because right now I feel anything but, and I’m losing.

On the days where I just cannot move, because I’m either in pain or my mind is off in a field somewhere picking daisies and setting them on fire, I NEED to feel like I’m still worth some kind of good thing in someone’s eyes. And those days happen a lot. Because I am still finding pieces of myself that I forgot went missing.

If you’re in the same boat, and a support network person isn’t up to the task of reminding you you’re worthwhile, do your best to ignore them and find someone who can help you. It is SO hard to see the good things you’re worth in an era that’s full of over-achievers and people talking about how MUCH they’ve been able to do in x amount of time. And it’s awesome that those people could do that. But we all need to take a step back and realise what we’re capable of, because for some, if it’s all you can do to feed yourself, keep clean, run an errand, or clean the house, BRAVO!!! I have days where I can’t even do any of that.

You’re worthwhile.