For most of my lifeI had heard the expression, “live in the moment” and thought I understood what it meant. After all,what free spirited thirty something doesn’t think that it means to be spontaneous or do something outlandish and never-mind the outcome or the consequences.
Fast forward a few decades and with a diagnosis of
Alzheimer’s strapped to my wife, I heard people say over and over, “live in the
moment!” To me that now meant, ‘do what you can while you can’. I thought I
understood, but I really didn’t.
Lately as Laura has been slipping so much, I think I am
finally beginning to understand. She
said something really funny the other day, and we both cracked up and were
laughing so hard we were crying. When we both had it down to some chuckling, I
wiped my eyes and said the obvious, “That was really funny.”
“What was?” she sincerely asked, still smiling broadly.
“What you just said” I replied softly. All of the
implications of her short term memory loss hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Oh, what did I say? I don’t remember.”
I wanted to wipe my eyes now for another reason. The moment of laughter that we had shared had
passed, even quicker than it came. Then I understood. Living in the moment is not
about doing anything; it’s about
absorbing those few precious seconds that you can share. Today it is laughter or reliving the flicker
of a memory. I don’t know what it will be tomorrow. It might just be the flash
of recognition when she sees me. I don’t know. But I do know that I will relish
every second of it.
Holding the Bowl 